is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
