mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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