My room smells like vodka and shame
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
