A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
