dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
