I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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