Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was like eating out sand paper
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
