we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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