I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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