haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
