The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
