i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
