how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
