is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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