? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
