please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
