All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I touched a dick in church today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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