There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
