I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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