So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
