i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
