You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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