Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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