you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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