he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
