I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
