Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
