I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
