I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
