I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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