So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to have your abortion
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
