took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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