What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
