I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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