it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
