is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Success! We fucked roommates!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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