I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
