Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
