His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've blown a few things in my day
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
