i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
