Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
