I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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