My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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