i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
