yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
