I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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