what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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