Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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