If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
