just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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