No stitches, just platelets and will power
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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