I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
